Tags
depression, God, Mental health, mentally ill, Soul Healing, Trust
My daughter is getting impatient with this whole unable-to-find-a-place-to-live thing again. On the way to pick up her medicine this afternoon (she came back from Florida not feeling very well) she expressed some of her frustration in the car. Specifically, her frustration with me.
“Why don’t you do something, for once, about our situation? Why do you just keep trusting God to fix everything, every single time, when clearly, He isn’t doing anything?”
I didn’t have an answer, so I just kept driving. Besides, I keep having the same thoughts myself lately. Trying not to, but there they are.
I honestly don’t know.
I briefly contemplated running the car into the next telephone pole, but abandoned the thought as soon as it came. (Although I have had that thought quite frequently lately, too.)
I don’t believe that being depressed also means you are mentally ill, any more than being mentally ill means you are, by default, depressed. I’ve worked with quite a few truly mentally ill people who aren’t depressed at all; in fact, many of them are far more cheerful than I am. However, I will be the first to admit that I am emotionally ill. Semantics? Maybe. Maybe we could make a religion out of it; I’m sure we could, if we tried. The Church of Semanticism. You say mental illness, I say emotional illness. You say prosperity, I say greed. You say faith, I say apathy. It could be a whole religious movement. (Don’t all email at once please; I’m being facetious.)
I’m sure my counselor has told her friends and colleagues, or whomever she has talked all of this over with, that I am mentally ill, simply because it would serve her purposes to do so.
Absolution.
She sure isn’t telling people that all I did was send an email, and she read it, or read into it, rather, and got angry and said I couldn’t come back. What should have resulted in communication ended instead in excommunication. I could see if I were actually mentally ill, not just depressed, or had in some weird way threatened her, or, say, stole a coaster from her desk or something. I don’t see why everyone else can go to their appointments except me. What in the world is the big deal about a depressed woman trying to heal from a divorce? Pastoral counseling is for situations like mine. There is simply no ethical, professional, or moral reason for what she is doing. She’s doing it simply because she has the power to do so.
I don’t know how to answer my daughter. I really do believe God is going to work this all out, somehow. Both situations.
We don’t have a place to live. We have a pile of boxes. I’m as frustrated, upset, and worried as my daughter is. Time is running out.
Cole,Thomas. The Subsiding of the Waters of the Deluge. 1829. oil on canvas. Smithsonian.
nish said:
Nice
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Sherry Carter said:
Wow, this reads just like my journal! I have been where you are and all I could do was hold on tight to the absolute faith that God was at work, somehow, some way. I couldn’t see it or feel it the time. Now that I’m past the crisis, I can look back see what He was doing but it was a hard path to walk.
Why do we have to go through those things? The only reason I can think of is that He uses them to teach us that He is faithful. I don’t think about Him near as much when everything’s going great. But when trouble comes, I’m right at His side.
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Robin Gantzert said:
By perseverance the snail reached the ark! Giving up is not an option! When you are weak God can be strong through you. Keep walking so he can direct your path. Health food stores have natural helps for depression. Exercise daily , surround yourself with positive people that will cheer you on running your life race. Counselors are generally cheerleaders for someone that gets stuck in life. Find your cheerleader! Life is a breath compared to eternity…how you going to live your life is up to choices we all have to make each day.
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Hanna McDonough said:
Dear Stacey:
I am sorry at how upset you are. It s is normal to be distressed at a divorce especially one that leaves you without a place to live. it is painful to hear your daughter’s complaints and painful as it is to hear them, the fact that she lashes out is to her benefit. What sinks kids of divorce is that they usually won’t express their anger /sadness to their parents.They bottle up and live it out against themselves in terms of their future long term choices, like their life partners.
Would it be possible for you to extend compassion to yourself and let yourself mourn and grieve? Can you let your kindness flow towards yourself and the bereft state you are in? Could you refrain from calling yourself as emotionally or mentally ill? When life whacks us it is very hard to stay zen.
My thoughts are with you,
Warm regards,
Hanna McDonough
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Michelle Bellion said:
Dear Stacey
I am much in agreement with Hanna McDonough’s reply to you. There must be a time of grief, of anger, of depression, of madness, of self-loathing, of lack of self-esteem and no confidence. These are valuable emotions on your road to recovery. Your faith, though lacking in answers right now, is the right answer. Hold onto it, it is your steering wheel through this dark period. And as with every road there is always a destination, you will find yours. Your daughter’s journey is a different one, however, the need for some form of security, assurance and steadfast is much needed, especially at this juncture in your lives. You may feel that you do not have the strength to cope with her outbursts, her anger, her shame? However, concentrating on her emotional needs will take the bite out of her pain. It takes time, in some cases regretfully a long time, to walk away from a divorce without having negative feelings but if finding comfort in fellowship is the answer, do it! The comfort of faith and an empathetic ear cannot be discounted, find your release where you see best, your healing is very important to being able to offer a stable foundation and relationship with your daughter. I pray that your journey be a short one to healing.
Warm regards
Rev Michelle Bellion (CPTF/Play Therapist Facilitator)
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