Monthly Archives: May 2011

A Bible and a Coffee Pot

18 Wednesday May 2011

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Writing Desk

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I was reminded tonight of how grateful I am for my life.   I love my home; my kids, my family, my work.  After everything I’ve been through, if all I have is I have my Bible and a coffee pot, I’m good to go.  Simplicity, according to Richard Foster, is “an inward reality that results in an outward lifestyle.”  I am not, and have never been a success-driven person.  Our parents raised us to value people over things, and I am so glad.  What motivates me is not money in the bank, or being able to buy whatever kind of car I want, or being able to retire early so I can travel and play golf.  (Okay, shop.  Trust me, you don’t want me swinging a club.)

What motivates me is people.  To go to the gates of hell, and get to all of the people the enemy thought he had won, and re-claim them for Heaven.  To be able to say “you may think you’ve played your best hand in this person’s life, but if they’re still breathing, the game’s not over.”  How do you retire from that?  If only one more can be reached, helped, and saved, that one is worth everything.  The enemy wants us to think- no, to believe- that it’s all over.  Wasted, ruined, spent, broken, and dead.  But I can promise you, that if there is the slightest spark of life left in you, God can blow the healing, life-giving breath of his Spirit into us, and resurrect us in such a way that we are unrecognizable, even to ourselves.  We become, literally, New People.  You can’t buy that at the mall.  There isn’t a gadget, outfit, or lifestyle the world can offer that can hold a candle to a changed life.  Give me people any day.  And with that,  Je suis content.

“Not that I am referring to being in need; for I have learned to be content with whatever I have.  I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty.  In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”   Philippians 4:11-13

A Blessing in Disguise

12 Thursday May 2011

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“Behold, God is my salvation;  I will trust, and not be afraid:  for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.”  Isaiah 12:2

I’ve been going to a Boundaries group at our church, and tonight I was reminded again of how many times over the years God has delivered me.  Sometimes deliverance, when it comes, does not look like deliverance.  No banners, trumpets, and white horses; just a great deal of trauma, often accompanied by sirens, flashing lights, and uncomfortable inquiries by well-meaning, but unknown authority figures.

And we find ourselves sitting in bewilderment, much like the people of Israel, wondering how we’re going to provide for our families; where we’re going to live; where is our next meal coming from?  Who is going to take care of us now?  This isn’t deliverance; this is a disaster!  Egypt never looked better.

There is a warning in scripture:   when God has led you out, and life has settled down, and you can breathe again, do not forget where you have been delivered from.  The prayers He answered, for food and safety; the help when wrong counsel was given, to discern, and to know what direction to take.  Sometimes the wilderness is needed, just to get away from all of the opinions and advise of well-meaning but unqualified people.

I have recently been delivered, suddenly and  unwillingly, from another unhealthy situation.  I am admittedly not happy about it, and feel more grief than freedom.  I am sure that in time I will be thankful for this, but right now it just plain hurts.  I’m not feeling especially victorious at the moment, especially because I didn’t choose to get out of the mess,  I was unceremoniously ejected.  Or rather, rejected.  And the old temptation to assume that all of my  needs, physical and emotional, are going to go unmet, is still there.  And I have to remember how many, many times, that God has taken that rejection and used it for good. Not that I want to keep signing up for it, (hence the Boundaries group)  but remembering that I can trust God to take care of me yet again.

Rebuilding a Life

04 Wednesday May 2011

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Violet Wood Sorrel (Oxalis violacea) 2

It is no easy task to reassemble a life.  It consumes time, energy, and resources, both mentally and physically.  Sometimes the resources just aren’t there.  We have to find, or create them out of the scraps and shards of what once was.  It’s a long process of weighing what to keep, what  to let go of; and it hurts like hell.  Trying to cut the process short only makes things worse.  Healing is a long, arduous journey;  why do we think people should be better in six weeks, or six months after devastating loss, or a prolonged illness?  Grief typically hits full-force somewhere around six months, and takes most people one to two years to begin to feel really healthy again.  Anniversary dates and holidays seem to start the process all over again.  But gradually, over time, there are more good days than bad days.

In the beginning, the goal was coffee and a shower.  Then, a few household chores. And that was about it, for a while.  Some days, the goal was  getting outside, or making a phone call.  Somewhere along the way, I decided to throw away at least ten things a day.  It didn’t matter if it was ten broken crayons, or ten pieces of paper.  There were setbacks and shutdowns.  Strength, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, is not acquired overnight.  For me, the spiritual had to come first, or there would have been no lasting healing.  The emotional healing is taking a lot longer, but that’s okay.  I’ve learned enough about God over the years  to know that it will come in time.  We only cheat ourselves when we try to rush the process.  Anything worth having in the future must have a good solid foundation that can only be built through the hard work of healing. Removing the old foundation, and starting over; line by line, precept upon precept; daily doing the work of getting up and going at it again, no matter how horribly difficult yesterday was, is the only sure way to build a testimony.

“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?  I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”  Isaiah 43:18, 19