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Stacey L. Lacik

~ Common Sense Christian Counsel

Stacey L. Lacik

Monthly Archives: September 2012

Truth and Consequences

29 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

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Bible college, Christianity, Divorce, Elim Bible College, Family, Fatigue (medical), God, Ishmael, Joyce Meyer, Religion and Spirituality, Single-parent, Sunday

English: View of Parent from mountain

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This past Wednesday marked what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary.  Never in a million years did I dream I would end up divorced, or be a single parent.  I do remember saying to our church at the time that my relationship with God came before my relationship with my husband, and that if at any point he decided not to serve God, I would continue on the path I had already chosen, alone if necessary.  Never really thought that would become my reality, but I can’t in all honesty ever say that I pictured us growing old together, either.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  We didn’t have the same dreams, goals or priorities.  A counselor at that point in my life would have been a wise idea, but it never occurred to me.  Had I listened to my heart, I would have not needed a counselor to tell me this was a Very Bad Idea.  Now I realize the ‘red flags’ were more like emergency flashers.

A couple of weeks ago, we had a guest pastor from Elim Bible College speak at our Sunday morning service.  He spoke on “Failure to Thrive” and drew a diagram of the relationship between God’s ultimate purpose for us individually, and our individual passions and desires.  He said that in every season of our lives, there are ‘quickening moments’ which tell us we are in line with God’s purpose, and then there are the excursions off the path into areas where we lose sight of our goals;  areas where our abilities and gifts are wasted.  He called this ‘unused potential’.  It creates physical and mental fatigue, and entraps us in a cycle of trying harder, only to get discouraged and quit.  Then we feel guilty, and try harder again, and get fatigued, and quit again.  Sound familiar to anyone?

Some of my notes from this message: 

  • “Tired eyes rarely see a good future.”
  • “Don’t lose sight of the source of your strength.”
  • “Christianity is not a self-help religion.”
  • “Grace empowers us to do what grace demands.”
  • “Any time you perform for a promise, you give birth to an Ishmael.”
  • “Premature babies cost twice as much to raise.”
  • “God gives us desire and ability.

Not waiting on God twenty-five years ago for Him to provide a way out has caused considerable pain. It resulted in a way of life largely dependent on miracles just to survive.  Granted, few of us make wise decisions at that age, and as I tell clients, most of them are on the planet because their parents were making emotional decisions, usually without wise counsel or guidance.  Not many of us wake up thinking “Gee, how can I screw up my life today, and the lives of my future children, and/or grandchildren?”  Most of us are doing the best we can with what we have.  We don’t (most of us) plan evil.  Most of the parents I know are just like me;  wanting the best for our children while realizing that our choices over the years have a direct impact on them.  There is a song that I used to hear on the radio a lot;  I can’t remember the artist or the title, but it’s a prayer “to my great-great-great grandchild”  and it just says it all.

I wish I had done differently.  I certainly would have had a better week, as my anniversary is always a time of fresh grief and regret.  But it gets better.  As Joyce Meyer frequently says:  I may not be able to change the past, but I can decide today to change my future.  Listening to God is a huge part of this;  cultivating the soil of our lives, and planting different seeds yields a totally different future.

So let me ask you this:  In what environments do you feel fully alive?  When do you sense the quickening of your spirit, and the stirring up of the gifts God has put within you?  Something to think about today.  Have a Blessed day, people.

“For it is God which worketh in you, both to will and to do of His great pleasure.”  -Philippians 2:13

When Success Fails

22 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by Stacey in The Journey

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Christian Living, Ephesus, God, Jesus, Lord, Nero, Pastor, Paul, Timothy

Saint George Preca has been likened as a succe...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes all it takes is one bad phone call with a creditor to make all of your dreams of success fly out the window.  Especially if the person is rude, or abusive.  (Are there any who aren’t?)  Threats and bullying do not magically make money appear in your account.  How in the world do these people sleep at night?

Many Americans are out of work;  housing, utilities, gas and food take most of our money.  Throw in some chronic health problems, or sudden illness or injury, and you have a mess.

It’s hard to remember that God is with us in our pain, not just on the other side of it.  I have been reading the book of 2 Timothy;  the letter Paul wrote to the young minister he had left in charge of the church in Ephesus.  Paul wrote the letter while he was in prison, knowing death was in the near future, while Timothy was dealing with everything from fear of Nero to church gossip.  Being young, not many thought he was capable of leadership.  Although he had a strong background of faith, he needed Paul’s encouragement and affirmation that he was called and anointed for the work of shepherding the people.

Our emotions can be stirred up by hearing or reading motivational material.  And it is good for us; it can give us a jump-start when we don’t have the energy to make necessary changes.  Encouragement helps.  A counseling session can be time well spent, if only for the emotional value of not feeling isolated.  It’s when you go home and face the bills, the phone calls, the expenses and repairs that you don’t have the resources for, that all of your motivation erodes.  Too much of it day after day, and you will end up in a hopeless cycle of despair.  It’s hard to remember that God is our provider;  our refuge and strength in times of trouble.  Even knowing he has miraculously provided in the past doesn’t always make fear go away.  It’s not as tangible as, say, an unexpected windfall that magically erases stacks of overdue bills.  Hard, but not impossible to persevere and stay the course, no matter what happens.  Laser-like focus is necessary just to keep going.  Like Paul we should be able to say:  “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”  2 Timothy 4:7

 

Warfare in Wonderland

07 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by Stacey in The Journey

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Christ, Christian counseling, Christian Living, Christianity, Church, God, Gordon MacDonald, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Leadership, Ordering Your Private World, Religion and Spirituality, Strategy, Thought, Word

spirituality shelf

spirituality shelf (Photo credit: professor megan)

There is no greater protection against false teaching than knowing the Word. If you are not going to study it for yourself, expect to be led down a lot of rabbit holes, even in church. And just as God has a plan for your life, so does the enemy. Your best strategy is to study, pray, and stick to truth and common sense.

When I was in counseling, there were a lot of wacky forays into trendy territory that profited little and did more harm than good. Many of our local Christian counselors were caught up in the ‘recovered memory‘ phase that undermined marriage and family therapy in the eighties and nineties. Families were referred to as ‘dysfunctional’ and cutoff was encouraged. No mention of grace, mercy, or forgiveness. No allowances for differences of opinion or habit. Then along came the ‘boundaries’ phase, which was heavily endorsed by those with a strong need to control everything from relationships to conversations.

If I were the enemy, and couldn’t tempt people with obvious sin, wouldn’t it make sense to have a different strategy, aimed at people’s emotional vulnerabilities and unstable belief systems?

A few years ago, a friend had asked some of us to co-facilitate a group for mothers and daughters. Sitting in her beautiful living room, with our girls sprawled listlessly in front of us, we taught and encouraged each other. As my friend was speaking, she said something that seemed to stand out in neon lights in front of me. She said (to the girls) “Whatever demon has been following you [through life] has been keeping a notebook.” She was sitting on one side of the fireplace, and I on the other, and the words hung in the air between us. I don’t even think the girls were paying attention. That thought stayed with me, and over the next few weeks, I had several different experiences.

While driving one day, and thinking about what was said, I was suddenly in the Spirit. As I was on the highway passing the church, I suddenly saw a group of dark figures in a huddle, and realized they were talking about me. As I listened, I realized they were discussing strategy, and I was observing from the side. One of the figures suddenly said ” We’ll just do the usual.” And I suddenly got angry. The vision abruptly ended, and I thought “Really? Am I so predictable to the enemy that all he has to do is say “We’ll just do the usual” and it works?

After several days more thinking about this, it finally dawned on me [so to speak] to ask God to help me develop my own strategy to counteract the enemy, and strengthen myself spiritually.

Shortly after this experience, I asked God to reveal the names of these three figures who were exerting such influence on my life. What eventually came to me was Fear, Grief and Shame. No matter how hard I tried; no matter what effort I put into lists, plans, goals, and resolutions, I saw that I could be blind-sided by any one of these at any time. I suddenly saw it as a strategic plan to keep me from even remotely making progress in fulfilling the purposes of God in my life.

I have severe social phobia, which means that I am highly unlikely to head off to a bar, or casino for an evening of mindless fun. It also means that I generally make a complete idiot of myself whenever I leave the house and attempt any adult interaction, but it at least limits the trouble I can get into out in the world. (Well, except for the getting fired part.) If the enemy has a strategy for me, it almost always involves unwitting church leaders, counselors, and elders. As well-meaning as they are, they unknowingly play into a strategy that was developed long before they met me. The major themes of my life: shame, fear, rejection and grief, get played out in the church theater; the actual players may change, but not the strategy. At first, the only counter-strategy I could come up with was to just keep going and not quit. And this works, to some extent, but it makes for an awfully depressing life.

What is far better is to develop a strong and steady core, or center, where nothing, absolutely nothing, shakes you. A determination to be polite, kind, strong, steady and stable regardless of how others act or treat you. I have been reading a lot of Gordon MacDonald lately. Gordon is the editor-at-large for Leadership Journal; his writing is sincere and truthful. In the book Ordering Your Private World, he describes the day he ‘hit the wall’, and what this did to him spiritually. He goes on to write about the importance of developing your inner life to the extent that what happens publicly doesn’t derail you spiritually.

I have hit a lot of walls; I expect there will be more. The best strategy is to become so strong, and so focused on the end goal  (that final affirmation on the part of God: “Well done, good and faithful servant”) that no slight, insult or unkindness on the part of another affects us to the degree that we react in kind.  Forgiveness.  Grace.  Mercy.  These are our weapons;  the best strategies for peace in times of turmoil.  Always err on the side of love;  it disarms any weapon the enemy will try to use against you.

Anyway

02 Sunday Sep 2012

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

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God, Kent M. Keith, Mother Teresa, Religion and Spirituality

Bird - Blue Jay

Bird – Blue Jay (Photo credit: blmiers2)

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

~Kent M. Keith

(This poem was originally attributed to Mother Teresa, but an article in The New York Times reported on March 8, 2002 that the poem was actually written by Mr. Keith.)

"The art of writing is the art of discovering what you truly believe." -Gustave Flaubert

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