Monthly Archives: November 2012

Reflections

28 Wednesday Nov 2012

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Ottawa Ontario Canada March 2011 — Winter Scen...

I haven’t written in a while, for several reasons.  When I went through and deleted and altered my posts a few weeks ago, I kind of lost interest in writing at all.  I felt like I ruined my blog.  It was the same feeling I used to have when I left counseling:  maybe I hadn’t irritated my counselor that day, but I also hadn’t been true to myself and how I really think and feel.  For whatever reason, it wasn’t possible to talk things through without making her angry.  So I’m worried about my blog;  do I write what I really think and feel, or keep it upbeat and super-spiritual so nobody gets offended, or thinks there’s something wrong with me.  And there probably is a lot wrong with me,  but I’m okay with that.

There was an elder who had a phenomenal meltdown over something I said at the altar a few years ago;  she had started a horrible rumor about me based on gossip, not fact, and created quite a mess.  A simple phone call would have been wise, and the whole thing could have been avoided.  But, she went to my counselor at a staff meeting and discussed with her what she neglected to ask me first, as the Bible dictates.  In all honesty, my counselor should have spoken to me privately, not to another church leader.   Between the two of them, they created a situation that further destroyed my therapy.  I had approached the elder after service to ask her what she herself had been telling people, and she admitted that she had lied to my counselor based on what she had heard (gossip) not on fact.  Then she asked what I expected her to do about it, as it had already turned into a quite a witch hunt, and I said well, I would like you to go and tell my counselor that what you said was not at all true.  She looked at me blankly for a second and said “Elders don’t do that.”  And  suddenly I looked at her and thought  “You know what?  I’m fine.  I’m no more or less healthy than anyone in leadership.”  That is, if they’re honest.  But they can’t be;  they have too much to lose.

I, on the other hand, have nothing to lose.  Everything I valued or thought was important has been taken from me.  There is little you can do to someone after trauma.  If all I’m left with is my relationship with God, my Bible, and my family, I’m fine.  I don’t need awards, degrees, plaques, or diplomas.  I do need a paycheck, but I’m working on that.

The situation was never resolved; I wrote a letter, and spoke with my counselor, but even though she was the one who called the original meeting, she suddenly decided she didn’t want to be involved.  And wouldn’t discuss it at all.  And everything continued to fall apart, and we continued to “do therapy”.  Without talking.

Therapy is not about techniques and theory as much as it is about relationship.  You can’t just ‘go to another therapist’ at least, not if you already have a long-established relationship with one.  And with pastoral counseling, it’s even more so;  while establishing safety is always a first step in relationships (of any kind, actually)  it’s the person of the therapist that is what is important for healing.  If I had to pick the original reason that things didn’t work out, I would have to say it was the lack of trust due to the lack of (perceived) safety.  Yes, all due largely to conflicts of interest and confidentiality, but even these things could have been worked through, and would have provided not just ‘life change’ but life healing.  Soul healing.

I have recently started becoming more involved at church, and I have to say it is the most fun I’ve had in a long time.  I’ve made new friends, and been reunited with old ones, and the change is good.  It feels like fresh air blowing through a vast wasteland of pain and regret.  The old situations are not healed, and can’t be, as I’m not allowed to go to my therapy, and the elder who caused the problem has left to ‘minister’ somewhere else.  I struggle with bitterness and grief, but I don’t feel angry, just sad. I’ve done all I know to do, and there is nothing else but to wait on God.  In the meantime, the new stuff is a healthy distraction, and it’s fun.  I feel like me again.  So we’ll see how it goes.

The Prison Epistles: Ephesians

17 Saturday Nov 2012

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Ephesus

Ephesus (Photo credit: Rol1000)

In most of his letters to the early church, Paul begins with doctrine and ends with the practical application of doctrine in the lives of believers.  Paul was “an apostle of Jesus Christ“.  The Greek word apostolos means to be a delegate;  one sent with the full power of attorney.  It means to act in the place of another, the sender remaining behind to back up the one sent.  In the case of Christians, it means that God sends us to do what he Himself would do in our place.

There are two categories of knowledge:  pure, or theoretical (doctrine) and
applied, which is practical.  For example,  in his letter to the Ephesians, chapters 1-3 deal with doctrine (the calling of the church) and chapters 4-5 deal with application (the conduct of the church).  This letter was addressed to the saints in Ephesus.  The Greek word for saint is hagiois, or “the Holy ones”;  those set apart for God’s own use.   It is the essence of what it means to live as a Christian;  a follower of Christ.

Paul was in prison when he wrote this letter, sometime around 60 A.D.  He was under guard in rental quarters in Rome (Acts 28:30) and the letter was delivered to the church by Tychicus.  At the time, Ephesus was the leading center of the Roman Empire;  Paul stayed there for three years on his third missionary journey.  It was the capital city of the province of Asia.

Paul taught that the Jewish and gentile believers are one in Christ, to be demonstrated by love for one another.  He encourages them to love both God and their fellow saints in Christ.  Agape is the Greek word for love as a noun;  agapao is the verb form.  Paul uses both in his letters;  agape being the love of God (as in ‘God is love‘ and agapeo being how that love is expressed through the lives of the saints.) There is also a third Greek word for love: phileo, or the love between people, but here Paul is primarily dealing with the application of doctrine, the foundation of which is the love of God in us and through us.  Paul’s focus was on maintaining unity within the church.

This letter begins and ends with love;  it was most likely a ‘circular letter’ meaning that while it was written to the saints in Ephesus, it was most likely passed around to the other churches as encouragement to love each other, and as a reminder to establish churches that were not based on rules and structure alone, but churches where the love of God was to be manifested to the people through the lives of the saints.

Fast forward several thousand years.  Paul is under house arrest, somewhere on the outskirts of the city of Syracuse.  Tychicus is sitting with him;  the two men are having coffee and Paul is listening intently to the report of the churches.  He is disturbed by something that Tychicus is saying:  “There is a teaching going around in Syracuse, Paul, that in order to love others you must first love yourself, as though it is doctrine.  The people have focused on this, and their activities seem to include reading a lot on self-love, and attending groups to learn how to love themselves.”  Tychicus sits in silence as the Paul lowers his head into his hands, and sits silently.  After a time of deep thought, he lifts his head and says “Please bring me my pen.”  Pouring another cup of coffee for himself and his guest, he sits down and begins writing.  “To the Church in East Syracuse…..to the Church on Erie Boulevard….  To the Church in the Valley….”

This has been my study for today;  I haven’t written much this week, because of illness in the family, and some other personal issues.  I have been doing a lot of thinking, reading and studying. And soul-searching.  I worked for a time at the Salvation Army, which functions as a church, but from my observations, does not act like The Church.  An employee said to me once “I was taught how to manage these people, and I have tried to do exactly what I was taught.  You are different;  you actually love these people.”  This is what Paul was trying to tell the church leaders.  My own church has this same problem;  they are very good at managing people, not so good at loving them.  I have heard, however, that they are trying to change this, which is good.  Time will tell.

In the meantime, lets not wait for those in positions of leadership to exemplify love to those in and out of the church.  Maybe it is our turn to set the example.

“It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle, than to initiate a new order of things.”  ~Machiavelli