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I had to answer this question for a class yesterday:  ‘Do you believe that love for the Lord must come before love of and service to others?’  I guess maybe I read it wrong, because everyone else answered yes.

I have known many, many people who love deeply and lay down their lives for others, but they are not Christians. We grieve because we love; we grieve deeply because our love is great.  We run to the aid of those we do not know because our hearts feel the shared experiences of compassion, tragedy, and loss.

This week our church is sending a team of people to Joplin to work alongside many others who don’t necessarily ‘know the love of the Lord’ but certainly share a great love for people.  And will serve together.  Sure, there will be some for whom it’s more about the feeling they get from helping.  But helping does make us feel good.  Christian or not, forgetting about yourself to care for those who have lost everything, makes us feel good.

I realize the question was probably meant to be answered as it pertains to me personally, as a counselor.  But after hearing everybody say that, absolutely, it’s not even possible to really love people unless you know the love of God, and all service outside of that is selfish, or about what you can get in return, I decided (for once) to remain quiet.  Because, having worked with many, many clients who do not yet know ‘God’s love flowing through them’ it seems horribly unfair to discount their obvious love for others.  And I have known just as many service providers who do not yet know the Love of God, who consistently provide selfless service to people the church wouldn’t bother with.  So, having said that, I disagree.  But hopefully, my clients know they are loved, and that through me, they will come to know the love of God.

“This, then, is love’s demand- not merely to be skilled in discerning and reflecting the feelings of others, but to be present to them in such an open and peaceful way that our love and God’s love seem to be one and the same.”  (Alastair V. Campbell, Professionalism and Pastoral Care, 1985.)

So, what do you think?

“Behold, God is my salvation;  I will trust, and not be afraid:  for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.”  Isaiah 12:2

I’ve been going to a Boundaries group at our church, and tonight I was reminded again of how many times over the years God has delivered me.  Sometimes deliverance, when it comes, does not look like deliverance.  No banners, trumpets, and white horses; just a great deal of trauma, often accompanied by sirens, flashing lights, and uncomfortable inquiries by well-meaning, but unknown authority figures.

And we find ourselves sitting in bewilderment, much like the people of Israel, wondering how we’re going to provide for our families; where we’re going to live; where is our next meal coming from?  Who is going to take care of us now?  This isn’t deliverance; this is a disaster!  Egypt never looked better.

There is a warning in scripture:   when God has led you out, and life has settled down, and you can breathe again, do not forget where you have been delivered from.  The prayers He answered, for food and safety; the help when wrong counsel was given, to discern, and to know what direction to take.  Sometimes the wilderness is needed, just to get away from all of the opinions and advise of well-meaning but unqualified people.

I have recently been delivered, suddenly and  unwillingly, from another unhealthy situation.  I am admittedly not happy about it, and feel more grief than freedom.  I am sure that in time I will be thankful for this, but right now it just plain hurts.  I’m not feeling especially victorious at the moment, especially because I didn’t choose to get out of the mess,  I was unceremoniously ejected.  Or rather, rejected.  And the old temptation to assume that all of my  needs, physical and emotional, are going to go unmet, is still there.  And I have to remember how many, many times, that God has taken that rejection and used it for good. Not that I want to keep signing up for it, (hence the Boundaries group)  but remembering that I can trust God to take care of me yet again.

Let’s be real.  We can make each other feel terrible.  I’ve done it; so have you.  And it’s been done to us.  The idea that ‘no one can make you feel anything’ is part of the current pop-psychology that has infiltrated the church, to the degree that we’ve become both careless and callous.  Don’t get me wrong;  I love psychology; I’m a student of it.  But for it to have any practical value, it has to be realistic.  We hurt people.  And anyone who has suffered through verbal abuse knows the destructive power of words.  Especially verbal abuse from a spiritual authority.  Scripture is clear:  our words can do a lot of damage.  In fact,  it goes so far as to say that not only our words, but even our tone of voice-  the way we say things-  can be hurtful.  Words burrow into the back of our minds like well-placed arrows; we hear them over and over again.  One thoughtless, careless remark can undo the whole healing process and necessitate starting all over again.  Gossip destroys trust; arguments spin out of control, and relationships end.  When we can’t attack someone physically,  we do it verbally.  And we know we’re hurting them.  The fact is, we absolutely can make each other feel sad, mad, happy, scared, worthless.  Our words bless, or curse; they bring healing, or cause pain.  We hurt each other. We damage each other.  And to add insult to injury, rather than apologizing, and taking responsibility for our words, we flaunt our ‘I can’t make you feel anything’ attitude.  We are so smug in our little christian world sometimes.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  Colossians  4:6

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I went to church tonight, and was so blessed by my friend, who reminded me of how faithful God has been to me on this journey. Through all of the nightmare years of  horrific abuse,  infidelity, and divorce, to the long and lonely path of single-parenting,  God was there.  So close at times, that the awareness of angels was more real than the circumstances.  His Word  never failed; regardless of the terrifying mess that was my life.   Scripture was my constant source of strength and comfort; it kept me from losing my mind during the mind-bending pain of learning about my husband’s long affair, and the ensuing drama that played out in the church we attended at the time.  Verses were everywhere:  over the kitchen sink, in the medicine cabinet, on the refrigerator.  My husband would rip them down; I would put them back up.  They weren’t for him, they were for me.

When nothing makes sense, and I’m in over my head, I go all the way back to the beginning, and start with what I know to be Truth as defined in Scripture: that God loves me; that I belong to Him; that nothing and no one can change who I am; that God will help me, and deliver me.  And He did.

My friend has also been through her own trial, and come out with a heightened awareness of the love and care God has for her. I read somewhere recently that true evangelism is not  leading people to invite God into their life, but to help them see how God was involved in their life from the beginning.

It was so good to talk with her, and share what we’ve been learning about ourselves in this process of healing.  So, Georgia, if you’re reading this, know that you were a blessing to me tonight.  And you are dearly loved, my friend.

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“Pain has an element of blank;

it cannot recollect

a time when it began or yet

a time when it was not.

It has no future but itself

its infinite realms contain

the past, enlightened to perceive

new periods of pain.”

Emily Dickenson

Grief is a funny animal.  Just when it seems to have subsided a bit, it raises its  ugly head and makes itself known again.  Grief comes in waves and spasms; it suffocates.  And yet, it is in the midst of the most painful moments that God sends  a Comforter to stand quietly by us until we can breathe again. The calming presence of the Holy Spirit envelops us as a protective covering, mitigating the damage done to our souls. Angels come to our aid, to walk with us when we can’t see, and keep us from stumbling or falling.

Pain purifies, clarifies, and penetrates our defenses, our walls, our masks. It both unifies and equalizes leaders, followers and go-betweens.

Time does not heal all wounds, but all healing takes time.  Sometimes we don’t heal.  But we can rest assured that though our outward man – our body – perishes by the day, inwardly our spirit grows ever stronger and stronger.

I Corinthians 13:4-8

Because God loves me He is slow to lose patience with me.

Because God loves me, He takes the circumstances in my life and uses them in a constructive way for my growth.

Because God loves me, He does not need to treat me as an object to be possessed and manipulated.

Because God loves me, He has no need to impress me with how great and powerful He is because He is God, nor does He belittle me as His child in order to show me how important He is.

Because God loves me, He is for me.  He wants to see me mature and develop in His love.

Because God loves me, He does not send down His wrath on every little mistake I make, of which there are many.

Because God loves me, He does not keep score of all my sins, and then beat me over the head with them whenever He gets the chance.

Because God loves me, He is deeply grieved when I do not walk in the ways that please Him, because he sees this as evidence that I don’t trust Him and love Him as I should.

Because God loves me, He rejoices when I experience His power and strength and stand up under the pressures of life for His Name’s sake.

Because God loves me He keeps on working patiently with me even when I feel like giving up, and can’t see why He doesn’t give up on me, too.

Because God loves me, He keeps on trusting me when at times I don’t even trust myself.

Because God loves me, He never says “there is no hope for you”; rather, He patiently works with me, loves me, and disciplines me in such a way that it is hard for me to understand the depth of His concern for me.

Because God loves me, He never forsakes me even though many of my friends might.

Because God loves me, He stands with me when I have reached the rock bottom of despair; when I see the real me and compare that with His righteousness, holiness, beauty and love.  It is at a moment like this that I can really believe that God loves me.

Yes, the greatest of all gifts is God’s perfect love!

(Dick Dickinson, Inter Community Counseling Center, Long Beach, California)