Heavy-hearted tonight. This has been a not-so-very-good day. Opportunities for hurt feelings were multitudinous, for some reason, all the way to the end. There are days I would rather I had not got out of bed, and this was one of them.
This is the farthest I have ever gone into the month without being able to pay my rent, and it feels surreal. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but we’re short. Inundated with medical bills, out-of-pocket prescription payments and a host of other things, and it is just not going to happen. We never get to settle anywhere and feel safe. I feel like I never get to breathe, or have five minutes of relief from the pressure of it all. It is mind-bending. And unending. Like trying to dig your way out of a pit with a dessert spoon.
So, today didn’t help. I don’t know what I would, or could have done differently, I only know that it hurts. Like hell.
One thing I am sure of: I refuse to be bitter. If we can’t walk in love, and grace, and mercy and forgiveness, then we have no right claiming the name of Christ for our own, or pretending to be His disciples.
My heart is both heavy, and hopeful. It’s a whole new year; anything can happen. Good can happen. All I know is, I refuse to quit.
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart. Psalm 27:14