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Stacey Lacik

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Stacey Lacik

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Remember…

27 Wednesday Jul 2011

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

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Dryas julia, Fackel Julia Falter 1

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No one can teach you failure,

And no one can make you quit.

No one can force you to be negative,

Or to live like a hypocrite.

You see, the best of us all will falter,

The greatest can surely slide.

But the key to a higher living

Is a treasure we all have inside.

It’s knowing when to be flexible,

To bend, but not to break.

Adapting to a world of changes,

With our ability to give and take.

It’s reflecting a sense of optimism,

Even in the shadow of despair.

It’s learning to find contentment

When you discover the cupboard is bare.

It’s blending your imagination

Into the tasks that you face each day;

Weaving a garland of hope and trust,

As you struggle to find your way.

No,  life is not a bed of roses,

And sometimes it’s tough to see it through;

But you’ll never  discover the best in life,

Until you discover the best in you.

(Source Unknown)

My Brethren, These Things Ought Not To Be…

25 Monday Jul 2011

Posted by Stacey in The Journey

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

anxiety, Christianity, Church, Common Sense Christian Counsel, counselor, Divorce, domestic violence, Leadership, Pastor, Religion and Spirituality, trauma, Trust

Christ's Charge to Peter by Raphael, 1515. In ...

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I went to a wedding a few weeks ago.  The bride, whom I love dearly,  was beautiful.  What was disturbingly not beautiful was the behavior of some of the church leaders.

At the wedding,  the pastor and his entourage went around to each table, greeting and visiting with the wedding guests, who were pretty much divided around the dance floor.  At our table there were two women who had recently fought cancer, a woman who is currently going through a divorce, and my daughter and I.  My daughter has been asking God for a chance to speak to the pastor, because she is struggling with coming back to the church.  The group surrounding the pastor stood at the table next to us for a while, and then, without even acknowledging any of the women at our table, moved smoothly to the next table.  I am not sure if we were being shunned as a group, or if it was meant to exclude a specific person.  Moments before, on the other side of the room, the pastor was saying to a friend of mine something about the importance of the church reaching out to those in the world who are in need, and our responsibility as a church to care for the poor, and unloved.

My point is,  that as beautiful as the wedding was, the event was marred by behavior that was  both inexcusable and childish.  I was embarrassed and ashamed of our leaders, and ashamed to be associated with them.  As a woman, one of the things that had so impressed me with this church, was the way women seemed to be honored, and respected.  Coming from a situation of  domestic violence, and spiritual abuse, it was so unbelievably healing for me to come into what appeared to be a safe place.  Any counselor who deals with trauma knows how important it is to establish safety  and trust before any true  life change can occur.  The intense grief I feel,  when I think back to how happy I was in my early days in the church, is overwhelming sometimes.

As a single parent in the church, I have been through hell.  My divorce shook my faith; my experience within the church has all but destroyed it.  I was told by my counselor that although I am more than qualified to teach in the church, I can’t be “sold” to the church because . . . “Well . . . you know . . . you act funny”.   Really?  Well, let me be clear:  I cannot be sold, bought, traded, or trashed, period.  To the church, or to anyone else.

But sometimes I do act funny.  I get nervous in a crowd;  I’m horribly shy;  I have absolutely no social skills whatsoever.  I would be perfectly happy to be exiled to an island with nothing but pen and paper, to have visions of heaven and write letters to the churches.   But God . . . has called me to live here, in this time, in this culture, in this city, and to love people.  Yes, even these people.  No matter what they do, no matter what is said about me.  For years I have carried this quote in my wallet:

“The demands of holiness are the same regardless of circumstances.”

So what do we do?  We come with grace, and mercy.  We love those who persecute us, whether in or out of the church.  We love those who treat us wrong. We learn from the horrible experience, and hopefully, when we are called to lead, we remember to do so differently.  And more importantly, we forgive . . . because they know not what damage they do.

Every Mary Needs an Elizabeth…

18 Saturday Jun 2011

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Photo of the Book of Isaiah page of the Bible

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“But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.”  Luke 2:19

This has always been one of my very favorite verses in Scripture.   I love thinking of how Mary must have kept everything hidden in her heart, and thought it all over as she went about her life;  I love that she went to her cousin Elizabeth, and the two women talked about what God had spoken to them.   To have God speak about what is being birthed in you, and keeping it to yourself, not necessarily out of fear of what others will think, or say, but to hold it as precious, as though keeping a trust.

Paul Wagner said once that “Blessed art thou among women” comes with a price.  We forget that, in our almost flippant ‘blessed and highly favored’ church culture.  We forget the price.  One of the verses that meant so much to me several years ago, when I was going through a time of tremendous pressure, was Revelation 12:6:  “And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she had a place prepared by God”  and again in verse 14:   “And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the servant.”    These verses refer to Israel in the time of the tribulation to come, but they held, and still hold, a very personal meaning for me.   So much of this journey has been about becoming aware that God has planted the seed of something within my life, that “Behold, I will do  a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?  I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”  (Isaiah 43:19)  That place of rest and nourishment has been, for me, the Word of God.  It has been my protection and stability in times of great stress and confusion.  And the enemy stands ready to devour that which God is bringing forth, BUT  “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and the Word of their testimony.”   And what a testimony it is, when that which is formed in the spiritual womb, so to speak, finally comes into manifestation in the visible realm.  Not necessarily of any particular value to the world (what good is a baby, when the world needs a Savior?)  but someone who eventually becomes one God can use to heal, deliver, and restore.  And the world says  “Well, where on earth did you come from?”  The wilderness; the womb, the pit, the darkness.  And WE are the army that overcomes the world.

Well.  This certainly didn’t end the way I started.  But it’s a good word, nonetheless.

Love Knows No Bounds….`

01 Wednesday Jun 2011

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

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Common Sense Christian Counsel

Aerial view of Downtown Joplin, MO, USA

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I had to answer this question for a class yesterday:  ‘Do you believe that love for the Lord must come before love of and service to others?’  I guess maybe I read it wrong, because everyone else answered yes.

I have known many, many people who love deeply and lay down their lives for others, but they are not Christians. We grieve because we love; we grieve deeply because our love is great.  We run to the aid of those we do not know because our hearts feel the shared experiences of compassion, tragedy, and loss.

This week our church is sending a team of people to Joplin to work alongside many others who don’t necessarily ‘know the love of the Lord’ but certainly share a great love for people.  And will serve together.  Sure, there will be some for whom it’s more about the feeling they get from helping.  But helping does make us feel good.  Christian or not, forgetting about yourself to care for those who have lost everything, makes us feel good.

I realize the question was probably meant to be answered as it pertains to me personally, as a counselor.  But after hearing everybody say that, absolutely, it’s not even possible to really love people unless you know the love of God, and all service outside of that is selfish, or about what you can get in return, I decided (for once) to remain quiet.  Because, having worked with many, many clients who do not yet know ‘God’s love flowing through them’ it seems horribly unfair to discount their obvious love for others.  And I have known just as many service providers who do not yet know the Love of God, who consistently provide selfless service to people the church wouldn’t bother with.  So, having said that, I disagree.  But hopefully, my clients know they are loved, and that through me, they will come to know the love of God.

“This, then, is love’s demand- not merely to be skilled in discerning and reflecting the feelings of others, but to be present to them in such an open and peaceful way that our love and God’s love seem to be one and the same.”  (Alastair V. Campbell, Professionalism and Pastoral Care, 1985.)

So, what do you think?

A Bible and a Coffee Pot

18 Wednesday May 2011

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Writing Desk

Image by ~Prescott via Flickr

I was reminded tonight of how grateful I am for my life.   I love my home; my kids, my family, my work.  After everything I’ve been through, if all I have is I have my Bible and a coffee pot, I’m good to go.  Simplicity, according to Richard Foster, is “an inward reality that results in an outward lifestyle.”  I am not, and have never been a success-driven person.  Our parents raised us to value people over things, and I am so glad.  What motivates me is not money in the bank, or being able to buy whatever kind of car I want, or being able to retire early so I can travel and play golf.  (Okay, shop.  Trust me, you don’t want me swinging a club.)

What motivates me is people.  To go to the gates of hell, and get to all of the people the enemy thought he had won, and re-claim them for Heaven.  To be able to say “you may think you’ve played your best hand in this person’s life, but if they’re still breathing, the game’s not over.”  How do you retire from that?  If only one more can be reached, helped, and saved, that one is worth everything.  The enemy wants us to think- no, to believe- that it’s all over.  Wasted, ruined, spent, broken, and dead.  But I can promise you, that if there is the slightest spark of life left in you, God can blow the healing, life-giving breath of his Spirit into us, and resurrect us in such a way that we are unrecognizable, even to ourselves.  We become, literally, New People.  You can’t buy that at the mall.  There isn’t a gadget, outfit, or lifestyle the world can offer that can hold a candle to a changed life.  Give me people any day.  And with that,  Je suis content.

“Not that I am referring to being in need; for I have learned to be content with whatever I have.  I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty.  In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”   Philippians 4:11-13

A Blessing in Disguise

12 Thursday May 2011

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Common Sense Christian Counsel

“Behold, God is my salvation;  I will trust, and not be afraid:  for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.”  Isaiah 12:2

I’ve been going to a Boundaries group at our church, and tonight I was reminded again of how many times over the years God has delivered me.  Sometimes deliverance, when it comes, does not look like deliverance.  No banners, trumpets, and white horses; just a great deal of trauma, often accompanied by sirens, flashing lights, and uncomfortable inquiries by well-meaning, but unknown authority figures.

And we find ourselves sitting in bewilderment, much like the people of Israel, wondering how we’re going to provide for our families; where we’re going to live; where is our next meal coming from?  Who is going to take care of us now?  This isn’t deliverance; this is a disaster!  Egypt never looked better.

There is a warning in scripture:   when God has led you out, and life has settled down, and you can breathe again, do not forget where you have been delivered from.  The prayers He answered, for food and safety; the help when wrong counsel was given, to discern, and to know what direction to take.  Sometimes the wilderness is needed, just to get away from all of the opinions and advise of well-meaning but unqualified people.

I have recently been delivered, suddenly and  unwillingly, from another unhealthy situation.  I am admittedly not happy about it, and feel more grief than freedom.  I am sure that in time I will be thankful for this, but right now it just plain hurts.  I’m not feeling especially victorious at the moment, especially because I didn’t choose to get out of the mess,  I was unceremoniously ejected.  Or rather, rejected.  And the old temptation to assume that all of my  needs, physical and emotional, are going to go unmet, is still there.  And I have to remember how many, many times, that God has taken that rejection and used it for good. Not that I want to keep signing up for it, (hence the Boundaries group)  but remembering that I can trust God to take care of me yet again.

Rebuilding a Life

04 Wednesday May 2011

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Bible, Christianity, God, Isaiah, Lord, Old Testament, Religion & Spirituality

Violet Wood Sorrel (Oxalis violacea) 2

It is no easy task to reassemble a life.  It consumes time, energy, and resources, both mentally and physically.  Sometimes the resources just aren’t there.  We have to find, or create them out of the scraps and shards of what once was.  It’s a long process of weighing what to keep, what  to let go of; and it hurts like hell.  Trying to cut the process short only makes things worse.  Healing is a long, arduous journey;  why do we think people should be better in six weeks, or six months after devastating loss, or a prolonged illness?  Grief typically hits full-force somewhere around six months, and takes most people one to two years to begin to feel really healthy again.  Anniversary dates and holidays seem to start the process all over again.  But gradually, over time, there are more good days than bad days.

In the beginning, the goal was coffee and a shower.  Then, a few household chores. And that was about it, for a while.  Some days, the goal was  getting outside, or making a phone call.  Somewhere along the way, I decided to throw away at least ten things a day.  It didn’t matter if it was ten broken crayons, or ten pieces of paper.  There were setbacks and shutdowns.  Strength, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, is not acquired overnight.  For me, the spiritual had to come first, or there would have been no lasting healing.  The emotional healing is taking a lot longer, but that’s okay.  I’ve learned enough about God over the years  to know that it will come in time.  We only cheat ourselves when we try to rush the process.  Anything worth having in the future must have a good solid foundation that can only be built through the hard work of healing. Removing the old foundation, and starting over; line by line, precept upon precept; daily doing the work of getting up and going at it again, no matter how horribly difficult yesterday was, is the only sure way to build a testimony.

“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?  I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”  Isaiah 43:18, 19

Trust and Trauma: the Hidden Wound of Relational Abuse

18 Monday Apr 2011

Posted by Stacey in The Journey

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grayscale photo of woman covering her mouth using her hands

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One of the most devastating effects of trauma, especially when it occurs within a relationship, is the loss of the ability to trust.  Emotional trauma  can occur when an individual is physically, emotionally, or sexually abused.  Verbal abuse and neglect also destroy trust, but are not always as obvious as assault or sexual abuse.  These wounds go deeper into our souls, and it is very difficult to learn how to trust again.

It is not just that the individual has been wounded, and as a result, makes a conscious decision not to trust.  It is as though a mechanism is broken, and the ability to trust is lost.  This makes it extremely difficult to ask for and receive help.  We are wounded in relationship, and it is through relationship that we are healed.

It is the nature of trauma to irrevocably change us.  We become hyper-vigilant, suspicious, and wary of people and situations.  Asking anybody for help is to risk being vulnerable and disappointed.  We are also at risk of being misunderstood:  how do you trust someone who does not understand you, or what you’re going through?  People who have been abused have a great deal of difficulty in relationships;  there is a need to test people over and over again.  Few people, even professional helpers, can endure the endless testing of their integrity and patience.  For family members and loved ones, trying to help can be frustrating and overwhelming.

Being a survivor of abuse or assault changes you.  You have suddenly become part of a very private ‘club’.  Very few people in your world will be able to relate to you; to understand your fear, emotions and hypersensitivity.  It becomes difficult to attend both social and family functions.  Small talk is no longer relevant, and possibly dangerous.  Finding a place of safety becomes a primary focus.  Depression and anxiety become familiar spirits as you walk a very lonely path.

It is a rare privilege and honor to come alongside and walk with someone who may never fully trust you, but to be a calm, steady presence in the life of a survivor gives an opportunity to repair what has been broken.  Although the actual work of rebuilding trust can go on indefinitely, the foundation has to be laid in relationship, and the willingness of the person helping to accept the fact that it is simply not possible for the survivor to trust.  It should not be viewed as a choice, or rejection, but as a normal and healthy response to abnormal and unhealthy circumstances.

“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience…And over all these virtues put on love.”  Colossians  3:12,14

You Make Me Feel…

08 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

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Common Sense Christian Counsel

Let’s be real.  We can make each other feel terrible.  I’ve done it; so have you.  And it’s been done to us.  The idea that ‘no one can make you feel anything’ is part of the current pop-psychology that has infiltrated the church, to the degree that we’ve become both careless and callous.  Don’t get me wrong;  I love psychology; I’m a student of it.  But for it to have any practical value, it has to be realistic.  We hurt people.  And anyone who has suffered through verbal abuse knows the destructive power of words.  Especially verbal abuse from a spiritual authority.  Scripture is clear:  our words can do a lot of damage.  In fact,  it goes so far as to say that not only our words, but even our tone of voice-  the way we say things-  can be hurtful.  Words burrow into the back of our minds like well-placed arrows; we hear them over and over again.  One thoughtless, careless remark can undo the whole healing process and necessitate starting all over again.  Gossip destroys trust; arguments spin out of control, and relationships end.  When we can’t attack someone physically,  we do it verbally.  And we know we’re hurting them.  The fact is, we absolutely can make each other feel sad, mad, happy, scared, worthless.  Our words bless, or curse; they bring healing, or cause pain.  We hurt each other. We damage each other.  And to add insult to injury, rather than apologizing, and taking responsibility for our words, we flaunt our ‘I can’t make you feel anything’ attitude.  We are so smug in our little christian world sometimes.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  Colossians  4:6

The Snare of the Fowler

06 Wednesday Apr 2011

Posted by Stacey in Uncategorized

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Birds are the last surviving dinosaurs.

Image via Wikipedi

Fowlers, or bird catchers, were common in biblical times.  They provided birds as food, caged pets, and sacrifices.  Fowling was also considered a sport, and a source of amusement.

Because fowlers often hunted birds by capturing them in traps, the word is sometimes used in scripture as a warning of danger.  The psalmist wrote “We have escaped like a bird from the snare of the fowlers.” (Psalm 124:7)  Proverbs 6:5 advises a youth to ‘save yourself [from temptation]…like a bird from the hand of the fowler.’

The passage recited from Jeremiah compares those who exploit others to gain wealth with fowlers who snare edible fowl beyond their needs. (The illustrated Dictionary of life in Bible Times, p. 144)  “For scoundrels are found among my people; they take over the goods of others.  Like fowlers, they set a trap; they catch human beings.”  Jeremiah 5:26,27.

Psalm 124:7 (KJV):  Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers:  the snare is broken, and we are escaped.” And verse 8:  “Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” This entire Psalm is a psalm of deliverance.

(Dake’s Annotated Reference Bible, p. 610, note c)  Three outstanding facts which are clear in such an escape:

1.  Our personal weakness.  (i.e. Israel)

2.  The power of our enemies.

3.   The miraculous power of God!

(note d) The snare is broken.  “How like God this is, who always makes a way of escape from temptation or trouble in plenty of time for us to be able to bear it, and still know that it has been a miraculous deliverance.”  (Psalm 91; 1 Corinthians 10:13-14)

Psalm 91:3:  “For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence…: (Psalm 141, 142-deliverance from snares.)

According to the psalmist, anyone who trusts in God has nothing to fear from the hazards of life, as symbolized by the cunning snares and traps used by catchers of birds.  The snare of a fowler often consisted of a net arranged in such a way that when a bird, or other small animal took the bait (and how often we do!) the net would fall and capture it.

Another kind of snare was a rope noose, which caught its prey by its feet, or fell from above and caught the bird or mammal by the neck.  Larger animals were trapped when they fell into a concealed hole in the ground.

The wiles (strategies) of Satan are frequently referred to in scripture as a snare. (1 Timothy 3:7)

See also:  Psalm 91:3,  Hosea 9:8

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