Tag Archives: God

In Retrospect

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Barnes and noble

Barnes and noble (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, . . . nothing shall be impossible unto you.”   Matthew 17:20

Much of my life has been sabotaged by anxiety.  I was driving to Barnes and Noble last night, and decided to listen to Pastor Carters’ message from a couple of weeks ago on the way.  Two things have stood out to me in recent weeks.  One is that I do not truly understand the love of Christ for me.  Hear me out on this one, because it won’t make sense to those obsessed with doctrine, but I have loved God and His word for since I was a little girl.  What I have never been comfortable with is my relationship to, or with, Jesus.  In all honesty, I’m afraid of Him.  All of our cultural analogies (He’s a friend, a lover, a brother) make me uncomfortable.  The only role I’m comfortable with is that of Jesus as Teacher, as that one I can relate to. But as  the pastor was talking about Christ taking my place before God and bearing my sins for me; about being my advocate, I suddenly began to realize the mind of Christ towards me, and  the role He plays in my relationship with God as never before.  I cannot in all honesty fathom Christ actually praying for, or advocating for me, because I know me.  Nobody in their right mind would, and most of those who have promised to do so have jumped ship.

There are many books on the market, mostly geared toward women, that try to appeal to our sense of romance in order to illustrate our relationship with Christ.  Sorry, can’t relate to that either, having never been loved, or in love, for that matter.  (I did tell you the marriage ended, right?)  And those books make me uncomfortable.  Jesus as brother?  As peer?  As best friend?  I feel like Goldilocks;  nothing fits.  And, they seem to me to make Him less than in an effort to make Him approachable.  Less than Holy;  less than righteous;  less than the embodiment of the full power and authority of God.

When I was engaged to my husband, I was in spiritual torment.  There is a place marked and dated in my Bible, December 1, 1985.  It’s the story of Abraham in Genesis;  the supreme test of his faith, when God required him to lay his son on the altar. This particular day, while  I struggled with the knowledge that I should not be dating this person, I knew God was asking me to give this relationship up and lay it on the altar of my life.  What I failed to see until very recently, is that God provided a substitute when Abraham obeyed in spite of his broken heart.  I was so focused on what I would be losing (my only chance to have a relationship) that I never saw the whole story:  that in the end God provided something better.

The other thing that has stood out to me in the last couple of weeks has been the pastor’s encouragement to walk by faith, not by sight.  This will absolutely take  an act of the Holy Spirit,  as things don’t look very good right now.  In fact, the ship is sinking.  My hunch is that it will happen as a result of a growing awareness of God’s acceptance of me, and His willingness to provide a sacrifice in the form of Jesus.  While I have a difficult time with this, mostly due to our cultural clouding of who Jesus really is in relationship to us, I am aware of a growing understanding in this area of my life.  Without this understanding, walking by faith is extremely difficult, if not impossible.

So, those are my thoughts for the day.  Grow in the grace and knowledge of the sacrificial love of God, my friends.

Learning the Hard Way

11 Saturday Aug 2012

Posted by in The Journey

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

English: The Arcadian or Pastoral State, secon...

English: The Arcadian or Pastoral State, second painting in The Course of Empire, by Thomas Cole (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Counseling was supposed to help me find my voice, but it didn’t;  at least not in the way that writing has.  I have a difficult time sitting in front of someone and talking about myself;  the whole setup is fraught with anxiety and performance-driven psycho-babble.  Over coffee with a close friend?  Yes, maybe.  And sometimes a good session is like that, and I leave feeling lighter, and hopeful.  Other times, interventions feel more like accusations, and I feel trapped, and say anything just to get the session over with so I can get out of there fast.  It shouldn’t be that way, but that’s just how I’m wired.

God doesn’t always redeem our circumstances, but he uses them to redeem us.  He can’t make the other person be willing to forgive, and restore a broken relationship.  He sends a Redeemer;  someone who can advocate for us, and plead our case.

Common sense and loving-kindness both require dealing with issues and facing the risk of a broken relationship.  Speaking up can be terrifying, and the consequences can be devastating.  Writing is so much easier.  Being a very passive person, I prefer avoidance, but maturity requires otherwise.  Communication is difficult;  it’s time-consuming, and often frustrating.

I don’t handle confrontation well.  Counseling was supposed to help me learn to be more assertive;  less timid, less afraid. My counselor assured me over and over again that I would become stronger, and not so insecure.  That I would learn how to handle situations that seem out of control, and terrifying.  I’m still waiting.

Someone told me once that I seem to have “an awful lot of angry people in my life.”  I didn’t know what to say.  He was right.

I miss my old friends.  I’m not good at phone calls, or actually getting together with people.  I am in my head, just not in reality.  I tend to seek out a safe person, and hide behind them.  I don’t mean to do it, I just can’t seem to help doing it.  Those who aren’t bewildered by it are irritated by it.  I’ve heard everything from “What the hell is wrong with you?”  to “Who do you think you are, one of us?”  Neither of which is helpful, and ultimately makes the problem worse, not better.  My counselor got tired of having to “prove herself” and that relationship also ended in an angry outburst, and hurt feelings and broken fellowship.  So much for that.  Can God redeem me?  Yes, of course.  Can the past be healed and restored?  I don’t know.  I only know that He who has promised is faithful.   And so I wait.  Worship and wait.

Be blessed, people.

We Are So Not Ready

04 Saturday Aug 2012

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

A is for Access

A is for Access (Photo credit: Ben Zvan)

“The context in which we develop the spiritual maturity of our congregations must be the transformation of our communities.”  Mike Regele, The Death of the Church.

I went to church last night;  the pastor spoke on being prepared for the coming of Christ, and a prophetic vision he had several years ago regarding the people who would be coming to church in the near future.  Waves of people unlike those we are accustomed to seeing in the seats around us during a weekend service;  people you would normally see downtown in line for the buses, or at the Civic Center waiting for social services to help them reassemble the shreds of their lives after personal crisis. (And the often accompanying public humiliation.)  The people who make it so very hard to complete the OASAS forms, because their problems don’t quite fit the boxes, and their strengths are relegated to a section of the very last page.  Many of my clients are Christians who are well aware that it would be extremely unwise to share anything about their personal struggles with a church leader, or even a pastoral counselor.  If they did, they are afraid that they would never be taken seriously as people worth investing the time and energy to disciple them.

Several years ago, a woman I know called the church for help with her son.  The woman was a new Christian, who had been visiting the church, and was greatly helped and encouraged by the teaching.  Her son was suicidal, and the woman did not know whom to turn to for help;  her first instinct was to call the church.  When she called, and stated that her son was threatening to kill himself, the very first thing that was said to her by the receptionist was:  “Are you a member?”  This is inexcusable.  To my knowledge, she was not offered prayer, support, or to be connected to pastoral care.  So, no, as the pastor said last night, we are not ready.  If the majority of my clients were to walk in to church tomorrow, with all of their piercings, tattoos, and sometimes oddly colored hair, would they be respectfully led to the front and allowed to sit with the leaders?  Highly unlikely.   Would they be allowed to speak to the pastor after service?  Probably not, as the ushers are well-trained in sleight-of-hand moves such as quietly (but obviously) making sure that only certain people are allowed to ‘bother’ the pastor.  If you have ever stood and waited to ask the pastor about something he just taught on (why in the world would I ask someone else?) and been smoothly re-directed (or even more humiliating, turned away) to someone who doesn’t know the answer to your question, you know what I’m talking about.  This is not what the Bible means by “calling and separation”.  For someone like me, even just going forward is an effort that takes considerable contemplation, and if I do by some miracle get to say something, what is so well-organized in my head is rarely what I hear coming  out of my mouth.  I don’t believe I have ever gone up after service without coming away feeling like a complete idiot who can’t formulate a coherent sentence. It is always an embarrassing, dehumanizing experience.   People with so-called mental health issues (like depression and anxiety) scare the hell out of the leaders; even more so, the ushers.  When I was struggling with severe PTSD after my divorce (on top of my less severe, but equally inconvenient social phobia)  God help the usher who tried to put me in the middle of a row, far away from an exit.

A major factor in systems-centered family therapy is that the therapist takes a role within the family unit in order to disrupt the family dynamics, and unseat the  tightly held notion of “she/he has a problem and if you could just fix her/him we could all go back to being a happy family.”  The unspoken rule:  please don’t address our issues, because as you can see, we obviously don’t have any.

We do this in church.  The people with obvious issues (depression and anxiety become obvious over time, if the person is at all consistent in attendance) are referred for counseling with a pastoral counselor that they cannot afford.  Which is how most of them end up sitting in front of me.  (I don’t make a lot of money.) We as a church are so not ready.  If Syracuse is literally going to be a City of Refuge in the coming days, is it wrong to think it should be an outgrowth of the church?  Admittedly, most pastors and ministers are not trained as trauma therapists. Our church has a better-than-average understanding of psychological terms and concepts, but not so much the practical application of those terms and concepts.  Even so, we are more fortunate than most.  But far too often, concepts such as differentiation are misconstrued to the point that we are cold and unloving;  we build walls, not boundaries.  This will not work with the people in the community, and they will come to church on the weekends, but will still end up in line at the Civic Center on Monday.

What struck me personally last night was the fact that I, too, am not ready.  My own recent personal crisis has made me self-absorbed and spiritually weak, when it should have strengthened me and woke me up.  I myself am not as aware, or willing to be inconvenienced because, well, I have things to do.  I have bills piling up;  things in the house that need attention, kids who need taking care of, and a car that at some point in the near future is going to stop for a red light and just…..stop.  Which means I may be standing on a corner with the rest of the waves of humanity, hoping God will send someone to help me.  Except for the fact that if I truly am a minister of God, I am supposed to be there to help them.

“There is so much more we would like to say about this, but it is difficult to explain, especially since you are spiritually dull and don’t seem to listen.  You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others.  Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God’s word.  You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food.  For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right.  Solid food is for those who are mature,  who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.”  -Hebrews 5:12

 

The Pain of Regret

25 Wednesday Jul 2012

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote

Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote (Photo credit: BostonPhotoSphere)

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”      Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is so easy, at a certain age, to look back over your life with regret for choices you’ve made, and choices you didn’t know you could have made.  Sometimes the past comes up behind us, taps us on the shoulder, and says “Hey, I’m not as far away as you thought!”  And interrupts whatever mindless task we may be doing in the moment.  Having had a series of what I call ‘trained-monkey jobs’  I have had a lot of time to think;  too much time, if the thinking is always negative.  It takes a great deal of mental strength to change your thinking, especially once you’ve already headed down the wrong path.  Unfortunately, the beginning of that path is usually located in the subconscious regions of our brain, down with all of the stored memories and accompanying emotions.

This is why it says in the Word of God that there is a division between our soul and spirit, like a membrane, and if we strengthen ourselves spiritually, it will have a direct impact on our soul.  A membrane is not a solid wall;  it’s porous, like a filter, yet firm, like a boundary.  We are affected (or infected)  from the outside in;  we heal and grow from the inside out.  Our spirit is where we lay the foundation for outward change;  it’s why others get so impatient during our personal growth processes.  God is at work below the surface;  what people see are residual behaviors and attitudes.

Years ago, it was believed that we were hard-wired in our thinking at an early age, and there was little hope for change;  most therapy was aimed at behavior-management.  This gradually changed, as research discovered what we now call neuro-plasticity:  the regrowth of cells and the natural ability of the brain  to rewire itself, so to speak.  The myelin sheath, which protects nerve endings, can be regenerated; the regrowth of fibrin is critical to regeneration.  Nerve endings,  which is where synapses occur (transmission of chemicals such as serotonin, dopamine, etc.) are repaired as the body utilizes proteins found in the blood stream.  If one part of the brain is destroyed, the remaining parts can be trained to compensate, to a degree, for the lost functioning of the part affected by trauma.

So, what does this mean on a practical level?  It means that while we now have cognitive-behavioral therapies aimed at changing our thinking, in order to produce socially acceptable behaviors, our spirit still gets neglected in most counseling sessions.  The world of evidence-based science has not considered the impact of a strong and healthy spiritual life, nor do they know how to measure it.  It means that when we go to others for advice, counsel, or treatment, we have to remember that a large part of our healing lies in how much time we spend in the Word, whether we understand it or not, and that study is essential to healing.  Time spent in prayer and meditation can do what traditional therapy cannot.  Over time, we will look back and realize we have less regret, our choices become wiser, and the result is evidenced in changed thinking, attitudes, and consequently, behavior.  We cultivate the mind of Christ and reflect the nature of God until we become more like Him, and more like who we were created to be.  This is what makes us a blessing to others;  it stabilizes us, and creates peace, in spirit, soul, and body.  It literally reduces inflammation and allows for the natural healing process to take place, within our spirits, souls and bodies, and eventually in our choices and even in our relationships.  And that, my friends, is what evidence-based practice should look like.  Have a blessed and thought-provoking day, people.

“For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;  it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”  ~Hebrews 4:12

The Promise of God’s Supply

04 Wednesday Jul 2012

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

 

Ruins at Philippi.

Image via Wikipedia

“But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:19

Paul wrote this word of encouragement in a letter to the Philippians  around 64 A.D.  The church contributed to his support while he was starting the church in Thessalonica.  He did not ask them for help;  he supported himself by working, in addition to building churches and teaching the new believers.

Any new ministry or program takes time to develop;  in the beginning, a need is identified, and a plan of action is formed in the heart and mind of an individual to meet the need.  We usually call this vision.  Then there’s a time frame , in which soil is prepared, and seeds are sown.  In practical terms, this is when we research the where, when and how of the vision.  We look at sites, consider whether to rent or own, assess needed equipment and supplies, and how we’re going to pay for those items.  And here is where it all falls apart, because in finding resources, we have to put our dreams on the table and let others sift our motives and intent.  This part can be humiliating. Visions and dreams hidden in our heart may help us weather a storm, but they don’t change the world.

For years, I have had a dream of a faith-based counseling center located in Syracuse, where people can come and find hope, help and healing.  In the beginning, there was no structure to this vision, and the only thing that kept coming to me in the initial period after my divorce was “first establish your work in the field, and then build your house”.  Which for me meant get a degree, get qualified, learn my field of ministry, and whatever is required for me to have access to needed resources.  It also, in very practical terms, meant pay off any outstanding debt, and repair the ravages of my credit history after the divorce.  (Still working on this ; it will take a while, as we lost everything.)  Over time, a plan of action unfolded, which included services to be provided, and programs to be implemented.   Accessibility is key, because transportation is a problem for many in this city.  Focus on biblical solutions to common mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, traumatic stress and other issues will be a priority.  Families, as the ‘secondary client’ will also be served, as many of our problems are relational in nature.

So, where do I start?  Wherever God provides a place.  And we’ll go from there.

“[Put first things first.]  Prepare  your work outside and get it ready for yourself in the field;  and afterward build your house and establish a home.”   (Proverbs 24:27, Amplified)

 

Not – Like – Me

09 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

 

Barend Cornelis Koekkoek - Landschap bij opkom...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.”  -Acts 20:28

This was a difficult week.  I was told I had to discharge a woman for ‘non-compliance’ with program rules.   The actual problem has little to do with non-compliance, and a lot to do with cultural and language barriers.  I have cried with and prayed for this woman, who has  shared her whole life story with me in a crazy mix of Spanish and English.  We have laughed a lot.  She loves God and His Word with all of her heart, in spite of her struggles with addiction.

I read an excellent book for an anthropology class a few years ago.  It’s called “The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down:  A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors, and the Collision of Two Cultures”  by Anne Fadiman.  It’s a wonderfully written story about a Hmong refugee family who’s youngest daughter is born an epileptic.  The author does a masterful job of telling the experiences this family has with the American medical system, and how the most well-meaning and qualified professionals were frustrated, trying to get the girl’s parents to comply with their recommendations. Like our relationship with God, trust provides the foundation for both life-change and compliance. (Obedience.)

In our desperate attempts to make people follow the rules and fit into our boxes, we sacrifice excellent patient care on the altar of “The Program”.  I hate it.  I’m an employer’s worst nightmare, because I question and examine everything.  I’m not a great counselor, but I am a realistic one.  I hate that my diagnosis of you is based on how much you are Not-Like-Me.

I also make a lot of mistakes.  Sometimes it’s because I’m tired, and sometimes it’s because I don’t feel I really know what I’m doing, or what is expected of me.  Charts, forms, summaries and reports pile up because I never know which box to check.  Just because a client hasn’t ‘made progress’ according to the little boxes, doesn’t mean they haven’t made any progress.  There are no boxes to check for most of the changes these people are trying so desperately to make.

I was sitting in a staff meeting (I hate staff meetings) a short time after starting this job.  While listening to the director and the other counselors discuss and dismiss the people who come to us for help,  I suddenly realized that this is how I have been discussed in other people’s staff meetings.  And just as suddenly, I was overwhelmed with shame, embarrassment, and fear.  While going through the most confusing and terrifying times in my life, professionals and church leaders have dissected my mental and emotional health, my internal motivation for change (“She really must not want help”) my mental stability, and potential for change.  Basically, “is she worth our time and effort, and what possible value could someone like her have?”

Years ago, while going through my divorce (a period of time during which I was admittedly unstable emotionally – in my opinion, a sign of mental health, given the circumstances)  I was talking to a woman who was known as a prophetess in our church.  Because she had prayed for me several times and God had used her in a powerful way to minister to me, I looked up to her and trusted her opinion.  While standing at the altar one day after service, she made the following statement:  “No matter what everyone else says about you, God told me to never give up on you.”  The implication being that she continued to talk with and pray for me in spite of the fact that the leaders in the church had already said there was no hope for me.  (Come to think of it, I never did find out what they were hoping for.) Anyway, I learned something that day:  prophets and teachers, like everyone else, are both subject to and influenced by what used to be called gossip.  I also learned  that just because someone has a prophetic gift and anointing, does not mean that everything that comes out of their mouth is a direct word from God.  Whether they stand in the office of prophet, pastor, or teacher, they are still human beings, and much of their counsel is filtered through the grid of their own experience and understanding.  Where God holds me responsible is to know the difference:  to take what is said to me by others, and lay it out before the Lord alone to sift, weigh and measure.  And somewhere in that, healing happens.  So does growth, and real, long-term life-change.

So what does this mean in practice?  It means that unless I read and study the Word for myself, I am subject to the opinions of others. It means that I will be double-minded, confused and unsteady; “driven with the wind and tossed” as James writes in his letter to the early church.  What a word-picture, because that’s exactly what it feels like!

So, I’m off to work to finish up notes and summaries.  God, help me to remember that these little boxes represent people (“sheep”- who need prayer, protection and guidance.) These statistics and regulations do not take note of death, divorce, grief, suffering, shame, embarrassment and fear.  They also don’t take note of strengths, value, progress, and there is absolutely no place to write “Does this person have any eternal hope and value, and what is my God-ordained role in their life?”  And please help me to not get fired.  Amen.

Okay, the coffee pot is empty.   Have a blessed and productive day, people.

 

The Beginning of the Future…

19 Saturday May 2012

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Hendricks Chapel, Syracuse University.

Hendricks Chapel, Syracuse University. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I haven’t been writing very much lately.  Work has pretty much consumed my life.  It’s easy to get caught up in charts and paperwork, and summaries, and [my lack of]  time management.  It’s a lot.  Last week was the Syracuse University commencement ceremony.  I didn’t go to the Dome, but went to the smaller ceremony in Hendrick’s Chapel on Thursday.  It was perfect;  the only one missing was my oldest daughter, but she gave me a Pandora bracelet, a rose, and a beautiful card, so we’re good.  I don’t feel like I graduated, though;  it’s hard when the ceremony is right after work;  I’m in the process of applying for graduate school, and God only knows (really) how it’s all getting paid for.  Or where it all leads to;  as soon as everything looks clear, there’s a change.  Not the graduate-from-high-school-go-to-Bible-college-and marry-a-pastor journey I thought I was taking.  At all.  The dust is settling, and two kids, one divorce and a lot of trauma later, all I can think is Wow.  What just happened?

When in doubt, go back to what you know.  The Word of God never changes;  His love and care for me never ends.  I was in a restaurant the other evening with a friend and another woman, and my friend and I were telling the younger woman how we came to know God.  I told her that our perception of God is defined by the need in our life at the moment of our encounter with Him;  I became a Christian in 1978 (I believe)  and as a young adolescent, I wasn’t coming out of a life of sin and wild living;  I was, for lack of a better word, quite a nerd.  And that moment was more about running into the arms of a loving father who would never leave me, because that was what I personally needed.  And that was and has been my relationship with God:  an absolute, unshakable certainty that he as my Father will always love, protect and guide me, even (and especially) when I don’t know what I’m doing, which is quite often.  I make a lot of mistakes;  if I ever stop to dwell on them, it’s humiliating and disabling.  And ever before me is the awareness that the people who come into my office feel much the same way.  Many, many suicidal people are simply too embarrassed to keep living.  Not just out in the world, but in the church.  And we don’t help, with our performance-driven acceptance of those who appear to have it all together.   Most days, I would rather face a demon than an usher, simply because I know I have authority over the demon, but the church staff has the power to define me based on what they see.  And they do, but not as much as they used to.  Things have quieted down quite a bit in the last year, which is a tremendous blessing.

So, the gown is hanging on the door in the bedroom, the diploma is on the kitchen table, and I’m off to do garage sales with my niece and her baby.  It’s an absolutely beautiful day out, and just for today life is good.  Really good.  Be blessed, people.

“Being Confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   -Philippians 1:6

Mary’s Christmas Dream

17 Saturday Dec 2011

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

Gerard van Honthorst Adoration of the Shepherd...

Image via Wikipedia

“I had a dream, Joseph.  I don’t understand it, not really, but I think it was about a birthday celebration for our Son.  I think that was what it was all about.  The people had been preparing for it for about six weeks.  They had decorated the house and bought new clothes.  They’d gone shopping many times and bought elaborate gifts.  It was peculiar, though, because the presents weren’t for our Son.  They wrapped them in beautiful paper and tied them with lovely bows and stacked them under a tree.  Yes, a tree, Joseph, right in their house.  They’d decorated the tree also.  The branches were full of glowing balls and sparkling ornaments.  There was a figure on the top of the tree.  It looked like an angel might look.  Oh, it was beautiful.  Everyone was laughing and happy.  They were all excited about the gifts.  They gave the gifts to each other, Joseph, but not to our Son.  I don’t think they even knew Him.  They never mentioned His name.  Doesn’t it seem odd for people to go to all that trouble to celebrate someone’s birthday if they don’t know Him.  I had the strangest feeling that if our Son had gone to this celebration He would have been intruding.  Everything was so beautiful, Joseph, and everyone so happy, but it made me want to cry.  How sad for Jesus – not to be wanted at his own birthday party.  I’m glad it was only a dream. How terrible, Joseph, if it had been real.”      –Author Unknown

“Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,”  which is translated, “God with us.”            -Matthew 1:23

Hold the drama…..please.

03 Thursday Nov 2011

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Jesus is considered by scholars such as Weber ...

Image via Wikipedia

We spend an awful lot of time as Christians ‘casting out’ bad habits and ‘rebuking’ bad manners.  More often than not,  miracles come not in a dramatic scene in the front of the church, but in the privacy of our everyday lives.  Sometimes deliverance is a matter of getting out of bed,  making the coffee, opening the front door, and facing the world. It may be making a phone call,  an appointment, or actually opening the bills, and possibly even paying them. Not as romantic, maybe, but to the legions of demons waiting to stop us (lest, God forbid, we overcome those bad habits and actually do something with our lives) much more threatening.  Sudden miracles do not generally make for mature, wise people.

So, instead of screeching “I rebuke you!” with pointed finger, and mock authority to everyone who irritates us, let’s just relax.  A little bit.  Take a breath, count to ten, or whatever works for you, and let it go.  Save it for the real battles; they will come.  Tearing down strongholds is tedious work, and requires facing some harsh reality.  That shouldn’t mean being harsh with each other.  Or ourselves, for that matter.  A little grace goes a long way

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God, to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God.” 

Rebuilding a Life

04 Wednesday May 2011

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

Violet Wood Sorrel (Oxalis violacea) 2

It is no easy task to reassemble a life.  It consumes time, energy, and resources, both mentally and physically.  Sometimes the resources just aren’t there.  We have to find, or create them out of the scraps and shards of what once was.  It’s a long process of weighing what to keep, what  to let go of; and it hurts like hell.  Trying to cut the process short only makes things worse.  Healing is a long, arduous journey;  why do we think people should be better in six weeks, or six months after devastating loss, or a prolonged illness?  Grief typically hits full-force somewhere around six months, and takes most people one to two years to begin to feel really healthy again.  Anniversary dates and holidays seem to start the process all over again.  But gradually, over time, there are more good days than bad days.

In the beginning, the goal was coffee and a shower.  Then, a few household chores. And that was about it, for a while.  Some days, the goal was  getting outside, or making a phone call.  Somewhere along the way, I decided to throw away at least ten things a day.  It didn’t matter if it was ten broken crayons, or ten pieces of paper.  There were setbacks and shutdowns.  Strength, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, is not acquired overnight.  For me, the spiritual had to come first, or there would have been no lasting healing.  The emotional healing is taking a lot longer, but that’s okay.  I’ve learned enough about God over the years  to know that it will come in time.  We only cheat ourselves when we try to rush the process.  Anything worth having in the future must have a good solid foundation that can only be built through the hard work of healing. Removing the old foundation, and starting over; line by line, precept upon precept; daily doing the work of getting up and going at it again, no matter how horribly difficult yesterday was, is the only sure way to build a testimony.

“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?  I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”  Isaiah 43:18, 19